Those sneaky “shoulds”

Catherine had just started working as my assistant. I asked her to do some research on a particular topic. When I checked in with her, there were other priorities that were pushing this research to the bottom of her to-do list. 

When I asked her about it, the conversation uncovered what was really driving her procrastination — an approach many of us default to that stifles our Native Genius. 

I was puzzled that Catherine hadn’t jumped on this task, because she was often sending me fabulous articles and research that she’d come across in her personal life. I thought these signs were pointing to her Native Genius related to this research project. Why wasn’t she jumping on it, or was I missing something? 

I asked Catherine if anything was making her eyes glaze over about the research. I let her know we could orchestrate her approach to make it better for her — that that’s what our business is all about — helping people activate their Native Genius more, and this included our team. She openly shared that she thought she should start with a bunch of boring articles and she didn’t want to let me down. Even though this type of work was in the realm of her Native Genius, her brilliance was being squashed between sneaky shoulds and overwrought responsibility.

What’s interesting is that I thought I had given her carte blanche to do the research in any way that suited her, but my intention hadn’t landed.

I asked, “What would make your eyes light up about this research?” She knew immediately. She wanted to start with a certain source, and look for particular bits of data, and scan articles until she thought she was onto something, and follow what was interesting to her until she found the answer. As she talked about it, she started talking faster and her eyes lit up. The research was done in the next few days and exactly what I needed. 

Where did she get the idea that I wanted her to do anything but this? It’s as if we each have a “work request box” where requests enter and get all mixed up with our preconceptions, assumptions, and biases — so much so that when the request gets processed in that box and comes out the other side, it’s all drenched in shoulds of how we’re supposed to get this thing done. The shoulds are stifling our Native Genius and contributions. 

Who’s adding the shoulds? Dang it! It’s often us — and we don’t even realize we’re doing it. 

Procrastination is a complex phenomenon. As the requester, anticipate that people might add shoulds you don’t intend and to try to head them off at the pass. As the doer of the request, the next time you’re procrastinating, it’s worth asking yourself whether the “work request box” in your mind is drenching the task with shoulds that are making your eyes glaze over. Pause and ask, “What would make this fun and interesting for me?” Sometimes the person we need permission from the most is ourselves. 

Here’s a pad of permission slips. Go crazy.